We are currently hiring for my department a help desk/pc technician and it doesn’t seem to be going well. It has reminded me of some of my past hiring experiences. Over my career I have had to hire probably 25 people for entry or low level positions. It never ceases to amaze me some of the gaffs I see in the process. I have included some tips based on my first hand experience watching stupidity.

  1. If you are a 1.70 gpa student, you probably should not send your transcripts with your application and resume. Even more important especially if you got D’s and F’s in most classes including computer classes when applying for a computer job. I will think you are an idiot.
  2. Don’t have your girlfriend, wife or mom fill out your application. I might get the impression you are lazy.
  3. Double check your resume and job application. If you list a job with a title on one include the exact same on the other including making your pay the same. I recently saw an applicant who on his resume was sales associate at Widgets making $10 an hour. On the application he was IT assistant manager at Widgets making $25 hour with the same start and end dates. This makes me think you are a good storyteller or a liar.
  4. If a job description gives a range of $5 to $10 an hour based on experience don’t ask for $35 an hour especially if you can’t back up why you deserve that. Wages sometimes have some flexibility in them but often times don’t. If you ask for too much money I will think you are greedy.
  5. Don’t ever tell me you are a “wonderful technician”. Don’t refer to your employees as “your kids”. Everyone will say something stupid at some point but try hard to keep it from being said.
  6. Don’t send a form letter and fail to change the company name and job title from your other applications. If I am hiring for a job at Widgets and your letter says Dear Gadgets I am applying for …  If you didn’t think to take care of the details in your application how can I expect you to take care of the details at my business.
  7. Do NOT Come to pick up an application, turn in an application or worse your interview in a T-Shirt, Pajamas or wearing White Tube Socks. Iron Your Clothes. You only get one chance to make a first impression.
  8. Don’t ever ask in your interview “So what do you guys do here?” My response to this is “GET OUT”.
  9. Bath and Groom before you come to pick up an application, drop off an application or attend an interview. I have had several applicants who smelled very very badly. Shower, shave and use deodorant. It’s not hard. Stinky employees only make for awkwardness.
  10. Unless I speak to you in Danish I don’t want to converse in any thing but English. So if you speak or write anything in any other language than English during this process I will call INS. You are in my country and to be in my country English is the only way.

I wish these were fictional but they are not. I have tried to disguise them to protect… the stupid.