Making a Mockery

Monday, October 31, 2005

Just when you though it had all been knitted...
Tired of the same old hand knit scarf and mittins from grandma. How about a Knitted Digestive System? Yes kids you read correctly a knitted digestive system. Knitted Digestive System - what every girl needs!

Here are some photos from the site...
Knit Guts

Knit Guts

Knit Guts

Knit Guts

Extreme - Pumpkin carving at its wildest!
from the website
Check out the contest winners...

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Friday, October 28, 2005

Let's Play MASTER and Servant

This group controls us like puppets. I would like to give a special shout out to Exxon Mobil Corp. who recently rewrote the corporate record books when on Thursday posted their third-quarter earnings which soared to almost $10 billion and it became the first public company ever with quarterly sales topping $100 billion. Anglo-Dutch competitor Royal Dutch Shell PLC was much less greedy posting a profit of only $9 billion for the quarter.

That is 1 with 10 zeros: 10,000,000,000 and it isn’t sales but profit.

"Exxon is a good corporate citizen but it does not work for the welfare of the country," said oil analyst Fadel Gheit at Oppenheimer & Co. in New York.
“Exxon Chairman and Chief Executive Lee R. Raymond did not mention of the record results in the company's earnings release. Instead, he noted that the world's largest publicly traded Oil Company ‘acted responsibly in pricing at our company operated service stations, and we also encouraged our independent retailers and distributors to do the same.’”
Exxon’s revenue for Q3 was greater than the annual gross domestic product of some of the largest oil producing nations, including the United Arab Emirates and Kuwait even with lost production due to hurricanes in the Gulf coast. CIA GDP Site

These oil guys are the modern day equivalent of Robber Barons. “‘Robber Barons’: that was what U.S. political and economic commentator Matthew Josephson (1934) called the economic princes of his own day.” Robber Barons by J. Bradford DeLong UC Berkely 1998 Robber barons were the wealthy who fought hard for their wealth and usually got it by exploiting an idea or product and fighting labor, government and others to keep their wealth. Josephson used the term derogatorily to try and persuade government to intervene.

Exxon Mobile Corp and alike are similar to the Robber Barons of a century ago because they have found a method to control production and slowly squeeze a king’s ransom in profits from their product by tightly controlling supply. Big oil has consolidated into a few and thus controls the majority of oil refining capabilities in the US. Oil and gas companies carefully spin world events to raise and lower the prices on their product to squeeze the maximum profits. Big Oil fights government intervention in their cause by hardcore lobbying and greasing the palms of those in control. No big surprise…however these jokers have control over our economy. Our economy is closely tied to cheap oil. Gas runs the great American industrial machine. Anytime gas prices rise to rapidly the consumer suffers. I believe in a free market but when a small group holds the key to economic success I believe that our society will eventually crumble under the greed of a few.

Trickle down economics here kids…
If I use 2 tanks of gas a week and the cost of a tank of gas rises from $25 to $45 it means that my basic driving costs me an extra $160 a month. I am not just going to get a $160 dollar a month raise because the energy companies need more money so that is now an extra $160 I am not spending in the local economy. No longer am I spending this money to buy extra goods and services and such. The money just gets sucked up into big oil bank accounts who aren’t really investing back into the economy because we know that the average Joe Oilworker doesn’t get big pay raises when times are good but instead gets his standard 3-4% dole if he is lucky. So Utah has approximately 1,000,000 people who are old enough to drive (my best guess from US Census 2004 Estimate: 2,389,039) and it now costs us 45% more to fuel up that means that 45% of the money we used to spend on other businesses has disappeared from our economy. Using my personal #’s and divide them by 2 just to be conservative that means 80 million dollars goes missing each month from our economy or 240,000,000 from our Q3 local economy. Oil companies have us as hostages.

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Thursday, October 27, 2005

Harry Carry Still Singing the Blues in Chicago
Harry has got to be a least a little tickled that Chicago finally has a World Championship in baseball. Harry Carry was the famous Cubs annoucer who always sounded a little buzzed. The 2005 baseball season has come to an end and it didn’t end without controversy. For example the strike out in the ALCS that turned into a base runner or Jermain Dye supposedly getting hit by a pitch even though it clearly hit the bat or the selection of the “Latino Legends Team”.

The good news is that the drought of 88 years has finally ended for the championship challenged Chicago White Sox. It was awesome to see two teams who haven’t had a lot of World Series success go to the fall classic. Even though the Astros were swept 4-0 the games were close and exciting and all 4 games were decided by 2 runs or less. I mean it must have been pretty good baseball for me to stay up in the wee hours to watch a 14-inning game but the bad news is the Latino Legends controversy.

Yesterday Major League Baseball announces its "Latino Legends Team". What a joke. First the team seems to be the greatest Latino’s of the 90’s and 2000 but what I find more offensive is the fact that we have to have a greatest team based upon ethnic background. While it is no secret that baseball has become popular with Latino countries and Major League Baseball is full of Latino talent, I think it is truly ridiculous to announce a “Latino Legends Team”. In today’s world of political correctness how can this be right? Aren’t we supposed to be the same just like vanilla pudding? What about the “I have a dream speech” that all over-paid over-hyped Major League Baseball Players be treated equal? What would happen if Major League Baseball announced Caucasian Legends Team? What would be the public backlash from an Idaho Legends Team, or a Scandinavian Legends Team or maybe a Southern Redneck Legends team? This is a joke and an insult to baseball and baseball fans. Was this the genius mind of Bud Selig aka Mr. End the All-Star Game in a Tie? Is this racist… discriminating against Rednecks of America? I guess Major League Baseball hates Rednecks, Idahoans and Scandinavians. This is outrageous. I mean we live in such a Political Correct society where a head coach cannot even say, "Afro-American kids can run very well. That doesn't mean that Caucasian kids and other descents can't run, but it's very obvious to me that they run extremely well." [1] I guess you cannot acknowledge a particular race’s skills. I mean after all there does seem to be a higher percentage of very talented African American athletes but I guess in today’s world we just cannot say that.
[1] Air Force coach Fisher DeBerry's comments from

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Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Corporate Lap Dance: Going All the Way for Your Clients
“According to American Express, Savvis CEO Robert McCormick rang up charges of $241,000 in a single visit to a strip club while entertaining a small group of business acquaintances. The bulk of the charges were for tips that McCormick gave to lap dancers who were entertaining his party in a VIP room known as the President’s Club, according to Scores spokesman Lonnie Hanover.” MSNBC

So I have a few questions for Mr. McCormick. At what point did it seem like a good idea to go and get lap dances on your investor’s dime? And why would you not pay the bill knowing that this could go public and again hurt your investors? I guess $241k isn't that much for a lap dance and no accountant is going to notice that amount of money missing? No surprise your stock is trading at $.60 a share down 80% over the last 3 months. I guess $241k in lap dances isn’t quite as excessive as a $6000 shower curtain was in other news.

Consumer confidence declines unexpectedly
I read this headline today and thought unexpectedly? What the … Who the hell didn’t see this coming? Al Greenspan where were you on this one? Consumer confidence didn’t fall unexpectedly; the greedy oil/gas bastards killed consumer confidence with outrageous pricing. Ripping off the public by raising gas prices over 60% in a few short weeks certainly didn’t contribute to the problem. The gas companies are announcing record profits for Q2 and Q3 but for some reason the consumer confidence declined unexpectedly. I guess nobody saw the fact that the gas companies have been bilking the public of their extra income sending the economy into a recession. All we hear now is how high heating oil and natural gas prices will be this winter because there was a hurricane in the summer. Does any one else suspect collusion?

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Monday, October 24, 2005

Do ya wanta Fanta?
One of the world’s most annoying advertising characters has become one of the top 10 searched for Halloween costumes. I bet the geniuses behind the ad are asking for the big paycheck now. Here are the top costume searches from Lycos
1. Star Wars Costumes
2. Dog Costumes
3. Lava Girl Costume
4. Homemade Costumes
5. Baby/Toddler Costumes
6. Willy Wonka Costumes
7. Fanta Girl Costumes
8. Shark Boy Costumes
9. Sexy Referee Costumes
10. Gypsy Costumes
11. Group Costumes
12. Fairy Costumes
13. Pippi Longstocking Costumes
14. Rainbow Brite Costume
15. Shrek Costume
16. Wizard of Oz Costume
17. Slipknot Costume
18. Toga Costume
19. Elf Costume
20. Goddess Costume
21. Popeye Costume
22. Sonic Costumes
23. Superman Costumes
24. Tinkerbell Costumes
25. Strawberry Shortcake Costumes

Gooooo Cougs…
I would just like to thank BYU football for 2 quarters of entertainment. The first two quarters of Saturday’s game kept me entertained. Some where early in the third quarter, the BYU football I love to hate showed up. First off it didn’t take a defensive genius to realize in the first quarter that maybe we should double up on Stovall the first 7 completions were to him. Stovall and Samardzija (359) accounted for over 71% of Norte Dames offensive yards (511).

"I don't care if there are 6-5 receivers out there," linebacker Cameron Jensen said. "We still have to cover and if they make the catch, we still have to tackle and we didn't do a very good job of that." FOXSports

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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Girrrrl Power!!!!

This is a description from an EBay auction a friend of mine sent to me. Thanks Gordon

DKNY Men's Leather Pants I Unfortunately OwnStylish. Expensive. Very much a bad purchase for me.

You are bidding on a mistake.

We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants.

I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.

The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short.

Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that: Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In public or private.

I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:
I am not a member of Queen.
I do not like motorcycles.
I am not Rod Stewart.
I am not French.
I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.

These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They’re for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it.

Again, they’re men’s pants, but they’d probably look great on the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than men can. It’s a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to come to terms with.

They are size 34x34. I am no longer size 34x34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.

These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren’t worn onstage. They didn’t straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.

Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I’m hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl you’re trying to bed.

Please buy these leather pants.

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Where are we going
Over the past eight years I have become an Internet junkie. I often wonder what I did with my time before the Internet. I guess I am an avid reader but more of facts, history and current events. Reading books was never a passion for me but reading the newspaper and magazines fascinated me from an early age. The Internet has become more of reading what’s happening in real time. I love it. I have listed in categories some of the sites that get my attention. I visit these sites daily, weekly or monthly. I have added their own website marketing tag lines to help them ever so little with search engine marketing. Anyway hope you enjoy it…

Paul Allen: Internet Entrepreneur (a.k.a. Paul Allen the Lesser, managing partner of Infobase Ventures)
I read this blog quite often learning more and more about running a business.

Connect Magazine Connect is a premiere Utah business magazine covering business, technology, entrepreneurship, and venture capital. Another site that helps me learn about business

Fast Company Management, Leadership and Career Advice for Business Executives

NewPR Wiki Edit This: How personal publishing is changing the PR practice - A PR wiki This site is mostly about business leaders who blog. I find a lot of interest reading through this site.

Google GlobeTrotting: Most Popular Maps. Google maps are one of the greatest Internet ideas of the last few years. This site is dedicated to interesting places to go. IE: Celebrity homes, or interesting images.

Montage-a-google Montage using Google’s Image Search. This site is just fun to play with. All you do is an image search and it will produce a collage. Put in Eran Bair and it will produce a collage of my snowmobiling trip from a few years ago.

The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster Journal of Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith and Servant to His Supreme Excellency the Emperor Palpatine. This site isn’t one I regularly visit but it amuses me none the less.

Blogs near mine Find other disgruntles near you.

Tongue Tied Carping about the excesses of clueless crybabies since the turn of the century. This is kind of a news of the weird type site.

Find a Grave: is a resource for finding the final resting places of famous folks, friends and family members. With millions of names, it's an invaluable tool for genealogist and family history buffs. Find A Grave memorials are rich with content, including dates, photos, bios. You can even leave 'virtual flowers' on the memorials you visit. Find A Grave also contains listings for thousands of celebrity graves, making it the premier online destination for tombstone tourists. The site is very cool and I am often found reading the obits and looking at gravesite photos of famous people.

War in Iraq:
Michael Yon A soldiers Blog This site is an up-close and personal account of the war in Iraq.

My Roots:
Sacramento California Temple under construction by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. When I was a young punk Spencer W. Kimball came to this location circa 1976 and prophesized that a temple would be build on these grounds. The area is known as the Mormon Center and has been the site of many of my childhood memories from bashing my forehead as a toddler to my brother filling the swimming pool with white vomit all while my mom tries to get my brother out of the pool and even high school dances and pranks.

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Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Lawsuit seeks warning labels on milk
According to MSNBC, Ten Washington, D.C. area residents have filed a class-action lawsuit against milk suppliers and retailer, asking that labels be required on milk sold here warning consumers of the effects of lactose intolerance.

So what types of lawyers take on a case like this? Are they new lawyers who are trying to make a name for themselves? Are they just press junkies who just want to see their name on something truly ridiculous? Are they charging an outrageous amount for this lawsuit?

Here are some of my favorite parts.
“The 10 plaintiffs claim they have suffered cramps, diarrhea and other gastrointestinal problems from consuming milk.” Maybe I can get in on this lawsuit because I once saw a person try to drink a gallon of milk with out puking.

“Among the plaintiffs recruited by the Physicians Committee are seven African-Americans, who tend to have higher rates of lactose intolerance.” And “’Lactose intolerance is very prevalent in persons of color,’ said Milton Mills, a black physician who is lead plaintiff in the suit.” We all know that milk cows are racists and hate African Americans. I think Louis Farrakhan has been saying this for years. It’s just a conspiracy for the white folk to keep the black man down with “lactose intolerance”. Maybe I can sue suppliers and retailers of chili, Mexican food or chocolate as these products in mass cause me to have cramps, diarrhea and other gastrointestinal problems.

At least the defendant has the right idea. “Susan Ruland, vice president for communications at the International Dairy Foods Association, ridiculed the suit by saying “It’s just another attempt on the part of an animal rights group to attack dairy and milk products.”

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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

A cell phone that points to Mecca
'Ilkone' reminds Muslims of 5 daily prayer times MSNBC Link
My question is at what point does one’s religious life become so cluttered and out of touch that you need this service? Do you think you will reach paradise by using technology to make you more devote?

Rocky's not thinking
Let me see if I understand Rocky's plan: If I am a city employee and Grandma moves in with me, she cannot use my health insurance. However, if I start having sex with Grandma, she gets to use my insurance. Brilliant, Rocky.
Kellen Wilson
Salt Lake City

This letter to the editor taken from the Deseret News Website made me laugh but unfortunately brings up a good point.

More on Rocky’s Thoughtlessness: Salt Lake City Mayor Rocky Anderson signs partner-benefits order

Sounds for being obnoxious at work…
Pedro Sanchez Soundboard
Napoleon Dynamite Soundboard
Llama Song
Dr Evil Soundboard

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Thursday, October 06, 2005

How many BYU Cougars does it take to change a flat tire?
1 unless it’s a blow out then the whole team shows up.

For BYU football this season looks to be another lame one. We are 1-3 this year and haven’t beaten a division IA team since November 6th 2004. So does any one think that maybe it wasn’t Gary Crowton but just the current crop of players that play uninspired for the last three going on four losing seasons. Or maybe its poor play calling or maybe it’s the aura borealis. Maybe we should learn from the past and return to the standard Lavelle Edwards defense of yesterday after all it produced wins or maybe it has been unstoppable offenses that made defense a second thought. Maybe 50 million for an indoor practice facility wasn’t the right choice. You know 50 million would give 1250 students a $10,000 a year scholarship for 4 years.

A quote from the Salt Lake Tribune says it best…

“One linebacker had to be restrained several times from going after an SDSU strength coach. Another linebacker screamed at fans to shut up, replying to their taunts after BYU's dismal performance in a 31-10 loss Saturday at Qualcomm Stadium.

The positive is at least some Cougars care. On the downside, the team apparently isn't good. Dating back to last season, BYU has lost five consecutive games to Division I-A teams. The only interruption is a win over I-AA weakling Eastern Illinois three weeks ago.”

Maybe Bronco Mendenhall should be teaching sportsmanship, honor and integrity to his teams if it isn't already too late.

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