Making a Mockery

Thursday, August 30, 2007

More BYU CoEd Jokes

What's a BYU coed's favorite exercise?
Jogging to the refrigerator.

What did the BYU coed say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill, honey.

Why did San Francisco get all the lesbians and Provo get all the BYU coeds?
San Francisco had first choice.

A BYU coed bragged, "I can marry anyone I please." "Why don't you, then," her friend asked. "I don't please anybody," she admitted.

What's the difference between a BYU coed and an elephant?
About five pounds.

How do you make up the difference?
Force feed the elephant.

How does a BYU coed spell FARM?

A BYU coed was walking down University Avenue with a pig under her arm. She met a girlfriend who asked "Where did you get the pig?" And the pig answered, "I won her in a raffle."

Did you hear about the new BYU coed doll they're selling in the bookstore?
Put a ring on its finger and its hips expand.

What do you give a hungry BYU coed?
Anything she wants.

A BYU coed got embarrassed at a masquerade ball. At midnight, when the hostess asked all the guests to remove their masks, the coed cried, "I don't have one on!"

What's the most important thing in a BYU coed's makeup kit?
A paint roller.

How do you get a BYU coed into an elevator?
Grease her hips and throw a Twinkie in the elevator.

A BYU coed was watching a tennis match when a BYU guy walked by and asked, "Whose game?" "I am," she said.

Did you hear about the BYU coed who baked a sponge cake for her boyfriend?
She used the wrong kind of sponges.

Two BYU coeds were studying astronomy together. "What's a comet?" asked one. "I think it's a star with a tail," her friend answered. "Ho, I see, like Benji?"

Why did the BYU coed flunk her history test?
"They kept asking questions about things that happened years and years before I was born."

A BYU coed ordered 48 hamburgers at a drive-in restaurant. "Are they all for you?" asked the waitress. "No, two of my roommates are in the car with me."

What's prairie dog?
A BYU coed from Kansas.

BYU coeds are so modest they pull the curtains before changing their minds.

What is the best thing to come out of BYU?
1230 North.

What's the difference between a BYU coed and a freezer?
About five degrees.

Why is a freezer better?
You can defrost it.

Never criticize a BYU coed's figure. She might hold it against you.

Why did it take the BYU coed so long to cook the turkey?
The recipe said to cook it for 30 minutes per pound and she weighed 150.

Some girls are ugly, but BYU coeds are the exception. BYU coeds are exceptionally ugly.

How are BYU coeds like paint?
Get them all stirred up and you can't get them off your hands.

A BYU coed went to the health center. "I have a cold in my head," she told the nurse. "Well, that's better than nothing," the nurse replied.

What's the difference between a BYU coed and a refrigerator?
The coed can hold more food.

Why do BYU coeds like to be alone?
Because two's a crowd.

Did you hear about the carload of BYU coeds who froze to death at the drive-in movie?
They went to see the movie, "Closed for winter."

Why did they have to enlarge BYU's stadium?
So more coeds could sit in the stands.

Did you hear about the engaged BYU coed who stayed up all night studying for her blood test?

BYU coeds can be had for a song--
"The Wedding March."

There's one good thing about a BYU coed's body--it isn't as ugly as her face.

One BYU coed put on a clean pair of socks every day. By the end of the week she couldn't get her shoes on.

BYU coeds have that far-away look. The farther away they get, the better they look.

How did the BYU coed get rid of her freckles?
She washed her mirror.

How is a BYU coed like Ms. Pac-Man?
They both eat everything in sight.

What's a BYU coed's favorite dress shop?
Acme Tent & Awning.

Some BYU coeds would make great fullbacks. Expecially the ones with the license plates on their charm bracelets.

What do you call a swimming pool full of BYU coeds?
The Bay of Pigs.

There are two kinds of BYU coeds--good-looking ones and sweet spirits.

Did you hear about the BYU coeds who were stuck on the escalator at University Mall for two housr during a power outage?

A BYU coed missed this question on her religion test: "Where was Solomon's temple?" She answered, "On the side of his head."

Someone once asked a BYU coed, "Are all girls as stupid as you are?" She answered, "No. Look how many single girls there are at BYU."

A BYU guy approached a BYU coed with this old line, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" She replied, "Yes. I have been somewhere before."

How do you get a BYU coed to go off her diet?
Open a Twinkie within two miles of Provo.

If a BYU coed ever said what she thought she'd be speechless.

How do you get 100 BYU coeds into a Volkswagen?
Toss in a diamond ring.

How does a guy get them out again?
Tell the BYU coeds he's a non-member.

What happens when a BYU coed walks into a room?
The mice jump up on chairs.

What's the thinnest book in the BYU library?
"BYU's Beauty Queens."

What do you get when you cross a BYU coed with a pig?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

"Do you remember when you were born?" a friend asked a BYU coed.
"No, I was too young."

What's BYU's answer to self-control on a date?
Take the sack off her head.

A BYU co-ed and a Utah co-ed enter the ladies room at last years football game. They both enter their stall and do their business. Simultaneously, they flush and exit the stalls. The BYU co-ed heads for the sink while the Utah coed heads straight for the door. In disbelief the BYU co-ed shouts after her: "At BYU they teach us to wash our hands!", to which the Utah co-ed replies: "At the U they teach us not to pee on our hands."

A convict gets released from Jail at the point of the mountain and he is standing on the southbound side of I-15, trying to thumb a ride. A BYU co-ed is driving home to Provo and she sees the guy and thinks he's kind of cute and so she stops and offers him a ride. They go down to Provo and she asks him what he does. He says, "Well, I've been in prison for the past twenty years because I killed my wife and my children." The BYU co-ed gets excited and leans over excitedly and says, " you're single?!??!"

In a room with four corners, there are four mammals. One corner has the Easter bunny, another has Santa Claus, one has a beautiful BYU coed, one has an ugly BYU coed. If a treasure was placed in the middle, which of the above would claim the prize?
The ugly BYU coed, because none of the others exist.

Last years BYU Coed Jokes

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Monday, August 27, 2007

The BYU Football TV Black Out

One year ago, the Mountain West League and its Athletic Directors were stumbling over themselves; giddy as school girls to sign a 14 year TV deal worth $80 million dollars. This deal was the end all be all TV deals or the Millennium. I think it was more like the TV deal of the apocalypse. Hell its right out of the book of Revelation. “And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.” Revelations 6:8. The 2006 season for BYU fans was wonderful in that it was successful but it was also horrible as most people on the planet couldn’t get the MTN to watch any one of the Mountain West Football games. It appears that Year 2 will be just as miserable for Cougar fans. The good news is that Ute fans will continue to share in our misery.

In the good old days one was able to tune to the local tv stations and watch BYU or Utah Football quite easily. Sometimes ESPN was required and non prime time game times were the result but the games were still available. Even KBYU would broadcast games for those outside of Utah. Not any more. The MTN has ruined it and they don’t seem to give a damn.

MWC and its bozo schools signed a deal and then it came to light the following:
The mtn. is carried by just 17 cable stations and zero satellite distributors. Why not just give us a huge black out.

In today’s Deseret News Doug Robinson wrote an excellent column about the MWCTV Situation frustrating.

Robinsons Instructions to View All the Games on Cable.

“To view all of the games on cable, fans must live in the right place and have a cable package that includes some magical combination of Versus, ESPN, CSTV, Fox Sports Network, FSN, etc. Satellite people, you're out of luck. Come back next year.”

These are the viewing instructions on the Utes' Web site for TV coverage of Thursday's opener against Oregon State: "(The game) will be televised by FSN NW and shown locally on FSN Utah. FSN Utah can be found on channel 52 (Comcast cable), 426 (Dish Network) and 651 (DirecTV). The game will also have national coverage on FSC Pacific."

Nothing like simplifying the ability to tune in. However my Favorite quote from the
article: Chris Bevilacqua, a one-time partner in CSTV, tried mightily to convince us of the virtues of the "bold" mtn. deal earlier this year in a letter published in Street & Smith's. In this quest, he utterly failed.

"Although The mtn. hasn't yet achieved the penetration levels," he wrote, "let's remember the agreement has been in effect for less than seven months (now 14). Since it's a 14-year pact, there is plenty of time to achieve the broad distribution this kind of programming rightly deserves."

Great. Pardon our construction, but just wait another 13 years while they figure this thing out. Meanwhile, root for a team from another conference.

So let me get this straight in 14 years this will have resolved itself? So what happened to the MWC lawyer and lawsuit? Why doesn’t MWC leave this horrible contract? It appears that MTN is going to be bust because no one can tune it to watch… so how can they make their 80 million in cost back?

I love how The MTN and the Mountain West Conference wants us to become their little sales people by asking our TV providers to add the MTN to their line up. I have seen all the local Athletic Directors and Coaches say on Utah TV that there is nothing they can do and that we need to call our TV providers and get them to work out a deal.

Like you, we would like extended distribution of our network. To do this, we encourage your support by making your voice heard and letting distributors know that you would like to see The Mtn. Distribution decisions are made by viewer demand so every call, email and letter will help.
Thank you.
Then the site lists all TV providers. Excuse me. You are providing a product and you want me to do your work so I can get your product. Thus I am calling on all faithful bloggers and webmasters to start a Google Bomb campaign against the MTN Network. The Google Bomb Phrase: The MTN Network HATES BYU FANS. Thats right kids post the following phrase that pays: The MTN Network HATES BYU FANS


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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Bitchin 2008 Chevy Camaro

Any time someone got in my 1969 Camaro This Dead Milkman’s Song magically just popped into peoples heads.

I ran over my neighbors
Now it's in all the papers.
My folks bought me a BITCHIN
CAMARO with no insurance to match;
So if you happen to run me down, please
don't leave a scratch.
I ran over some old lady one night at the county fair;
And I didn't get arrested, because my dad's the mayor.
Doughnuts on your lawn
Tony Orlando and Dawn
When I drive past the kids, they all spit and cuss,
Because I've got a BITCHIN CAMARO and they have to ride the bus.
So you'd better get out of my way, when I run through your yard;
And an Exxon credit card.
Hey, man where ya headed?
I drive on unleaded. “

The Dead Milkman

Ok I think I may have found the car that will replace my Jeep. In the summer of 1993 I did one of the stupidest things in my life that I have ever done. It is probably my biggest regret. I sold my dream car my prized, restored 1969 Chevrolet Camaro to buy a Jeep Wrangler. 4 months of heavy snow will do that to a person. It was my daily driver and I couldn’t drive. I have loved all 5 of my Jeeps but have always regretted losing my first love.

Enter the 2008 Chevy Camaro. It is styled after the 1969 Camaro and love has again returned to my life. It will be a late 2008 model and the rumor mill. There are rumors of a high horsepower V-8 to accompany the stylish looks. GM has promised to make it the most powerful of the pony car revival rival.

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Monday, August 13, 2007

My Ability to Survive the BYU Football Season without Turning Into a Zombie

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Mountain View Corridor: Lehi's Proposal Vs UDOT

I just received this email in regards to UDOT's Mountainview Corridor vs. Lehi's Mountainview Corridor.

Names withheld due to privacy,

I am sorry that it has taken so long to provide an update concerning 2100 North. I told you before that the City has decided to produce an informational flyer with a map and the pertinent design information of the Lehi proposal. The flyer was on hold until meetings were conducted with our State Representatives. I would like to report that as the facts are being presented, our position is getting stronger. The Lehi proposal is getting attention. The Council last week authorized the mailing of the flyers which now have a more positive nature, asking the citizens to thank their representatives for considering the Lehi proposal. I have attached a PDF of the map portion of the flyer for your information.

Let me know if you have questions.

I. Johnson
Lehi City Council
Visit Lehi on the web at

Click Here for PDF

I believe that the Lehi proposal better serves Utah County. I think Lehi has planned better for alternative feeds to and from I-15. This means that if there is a closure on the 2100 N/4800N loops that there are alternative routes. It also will work better to disperse traffic as the area grows. Utah's traffic problems have stemmed from shortsightedness. Planners failed to see how and where growth will occur. Ideally I believe that the Sierra Club and Dave Clock be damned and the road should head further south to 1900 s before connecting to I-15.

Too bad we are held hostage by the eco-nazis limited vision of our needs. Their views are not realistic in the sense that public transportation is not the solution to all problems. The culture of American's is the love the freedom of their automobile gives them. Would I love to lower pollution and create a cleaner environment, unequivocally yes I would but its unrealistic expectation to kill all new freeways to force everyone to buses and trains. According to UTA it would take me almost 3 hours 4 bus changes and would get me to work 2 1/2 hours late to work. This is unrealistic. I would love to live closer to my work but that would require me to make substantially more money and isn’t really doable in the public sector.

Updated Email from a later email today:

Again the names have been removed.

"A couple months ago I had a phone conversation with Senator Madsen. I told him that UDOT told me they had no record of any legislators in opposition to the preferred alternative. He expressed his opposition to me and said he would send UDOT an official letter stating his opposition. This might be something everyone can follow up on. The more people asking about it the better chance it will actually happen."
The email addresses for our State Representatives are as follows:
Mark B Madsen,, Senator
Kenneth Sumsion,, House Representative

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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Are You Controlled by the Media?

Do you ever wonder if the media manipulates the world we live in?  Does a media company have the power to influence what you do, how you do it, and when you do it? I do.  If you don’t think so view this list of what Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation owns and then ponder what his TV, Radio, Newspaper, Magazines, and internet sites do to your daily life. 

In case you are interested here is the list from Wikipedia




  • SmartSource

  • TV Guide, via partial ownership of Gemstar-TV Guide

  • The Weekly Standard (Washington, D.C.)

  • Australia

    • Alpha Magazine

    • Australian Country Style

    • Australian Golf Digest

    • Australian Good Taste

    • Big League

    • BCME

    • Delicious

    • Donna Hay

    • Fast Fours

    • GQ

    • Gardening Australia

    • InsideOut (Aust)

    • Lifestyle Pools

    • Live to Ride

    • Notebook:

    • Overlander 4WD

    • Modern Boating

    • Modern Fishing

    • Parents

    • Pure Health

    • Super Food Ideas

    • Truck Australia

    • Truckin' Life

    • twowheels

    • twowheels scooter

    • Vogue (Australia)

    • Vogue Entertaining & Travel

    • Vogue Living

  • Love it! (UK based Magazine)

  • InsideOut (UK Based Magazine)

  • The Travel Magazine (UK Based Magazine)

Music / Radio





Satellite television



  • Fox Business Network, an upcoming business-news channel to be launched on October 15, 2007.

  • Fox Classics, a channel airing solely classic movies

  • Fox Movie Channel, an all-movie channel that airs commercial-free movies from 20th Century Fox film library

  • Fox News Channel, a 24-hour news channel

  • Fox Reality, a 'Reality TV'-themed channel

  • Fox Sports Net, a chain of US regional cable television networks broadcasting local sporting events linked together by national sports news programming. Local channels include "Fox Sports Southwest", "Fox Sports Bay Area", etc. (some affiliates are owned by Cablevision).

  • Fox College Sports, a college sports network consisting of three regionally-aligned channels

  • SportSouth, a regional sports network in the United States, with its headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia.

  • Fox Sports International

  • FX Networks, a cable network broadcasting reruns of programming previously shown on other channels, but recently creating its own programming, including the Emmy Award-winning program The Shield.

  • SPEED Channel


  • The 101, DirecTV in-house channel on its satellite service, available throughout the United States

  • Big Ten Network, college football & basketball cable channel being launched Aug 2007 (49%)

  • National Geographic Channel (joint venture with National Geographic Magazine) 67%

  • National Geographic Channel International 75%

  • Fox International Channels, domestic cable channels offering different formats of Fox programming including FX, Fox Life, and Fox Crime amongst others. Countries of operation include Brazil, Bulgaria,Croatia, France, India, Italy, Japan, Korea, Portugal, Singapore Serbia, Spain & Turkey.

    • Latin America

      • Fox Latin American Channels - channels available in over 17 countries in Latin America

        • Canal FOX

        • Canal FX

        • Canal Fox Life

        • Canal Fox Reality

        • Canal Fox Sports

        • Canal Speed

        • Canal National Geographic Channel

        • Fox One-Stop Media - advertising sales for company owned and third party channels in Latin America

      • LAPTV (22.5%)(Latin American Pay Television) operates 5 cable movie channels throughout South America excluding Brazil.

        • Movie City

        • Cine Canal

        • Cine Canal 2

        • Cine Canal Classics

        • The Film Zone

      • Telecine (12.5%) operates 5 cable movie channels in Brazil.

        • Telecine Premium

        • Telecine Action

        • Telecine Light

        • Telecine Pipoca

        • Telecine Cult

    • Australia

      • Premier Media Group (50%)

        • Fox Sports One

        • Fox Sports Two

        • Fox Sports Three

        • FUEL TV

        • How To Channel

      • Premium Movie Partnership (20%) - movie channels, a joint venture between 20th Century Fox, Sony, Universal, Paramount and Liberty Media

        • Showtime 1 & 2

        • Showtime Greats


  • India

    • Hathway Cable & Datacom (26%), India's 2nd largest cable network through 7 cities including Bangalore, Chennai, Delhi, Mumbai & Pune

  • Taiwan

    • Total TV (20%), Pay TV platform with JV partner KOO's Group majority owner (80%). News Corp also has a 20% interest in the KOO's Group directly


  • Fox Interactive Media

    • MySpace - Social networking website, general interest website acquired through purchase from Intermix Media

    • MySpace TV, a video site which will host amateur videos, contents from net and studios that competes with Google YouTube [7]

    • Photobucket - Photo sharing website.

    • Flektor - provides Web-based tools for photo and video editing and mashups.

    • - Entertainment/Games. (Acquired through purchase of Intermix Media)

    • IGN Entertainment - Internet entertainment portal (Includes the sites IGN, GameSpy, Rotten Tomatoes, TeamXbox, and

    • Strategic Data Corp - interactive advertising company which develops technology to deliver targeted internet advertising.


    • - sports simulation and prediction website. Also provides fantasy-style sports games to play.

  • Movielink (20%) - Online movie downloads joint Venture between - Fox, Viacom, Sony, MGM & Disney

  • - 'India's no. 1 Entertainment Portal'

  • owned through stake in GemstarTVGuide

  • ROO Group Inc (5% increasing to 10% with performance targets)

  • News Digital Media

  • (69%)

    • (59.4%), Sky Italia also holds a 30.6% share

    • TadpoleNet Media (10%) Hosts of

    • atHome group, operator of leading realestate websites in Luxembourg, France, Belgium and Germany.

      • Altowin (51%),provider of office management tools for realestate agents in Belgium.

    • (50%), News Corp holds the remaining 50% directly

    • PropertyLook, property websites in Australia and New Zealand.

    •, home renovation and improvement website.

  • New Zealand

    • DVD Unlimited - leading online DVD subscription service (ownership through stake in Sky Network Television).

Other assets

  • (NDS) - Conditional access technology and personal digital video recorders (PVRs) (74%)

    • Jungo

    • Timothy Coville

    • ITE, publisher of Playstation and Mobile games, and interactive television

    • Orbis Technology, supplier of online gambling software

  • Broadsystem Ltd (UK) - Telephony provider for media companies, bought in 1991

  • Broadsystem Australia (Australia)

  • Broadsystem Ventures (UK) - provider of cheap-rate telephone calls, particularly for customers of Sky Television. Bought outright in 1999.

  • Jamba! - Mobile Entertainment/Mobile Handsets Personalization/Games. 51% majority stake acquired through deal with VeriSign in September 2006.

  • News Outdoor Group - Largest outdoor advertising company in Eastern Europe with over 70,000 ads including billboards and bus shelters, operating in Bulgaria, Czech Republic, Hungary, India, Israel, Poland, Romania, Russia (96 cities), Turkey & Ukraine.

    • Maximedia Israel (67%)

    • Mosgorreklama (50%) - Russia sign and marketing material manufacturer

    • Kamera Acikhava Reklamclik (?) - leading outdoor advertising company in Turkey

  • Australian Associated Press (25%)

  • Fox Sports Grill (50%) - Upscale sports bar and restaurant with 8 locations - Arizona, California, Seattle, New York, Dallas, Texas, Houston, Texas, Charlotte, North Carolina, and Atlanta, Georgia.

  • Fox Sports Skybox (70%) - Sports fan's Bar & Grill at Staples Center and 6 airport restaurants.

  • News America Marketing (US) - (100%) - nation’s leading marketing services company, products include a portfolio of in-store, home-delivered and online media under the SmartSource brand.

Do you still not believe the media doesn’t influence your decisions?


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