Making a Mockery

Monday, February 27, 2006

Jeg ka got lige Skandinavien.

Daus... Jeg ville gerne siger Velkommen til mine Norske Venner. Jeg har sigt dine besog til mine blog. Jeg er meget bedrøvet over at jeg er ikke så godt til at skriv eller snakke på Dansk/Norsk. Det har varet lang tid siden jeg var der over næsten seksten år.

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Motivational Posters: Inspiring or Fraud?

Motivational posters have been around since well I guess posters were created. A few years ago a friend gave me a calendar of Demotivators. They are posters that poke fun at the motivational posters. I find them hysterical. It is even funnier when your company has them hanging in the halls. Here is the a description from the founder...

Introducing Demotivators®

MOTIVATION. Psychology tells us that motivation- true, lasting motivation- can only come from within. Common sense tells us it can’t be manufactured or productized. So how is it that a multi-billion dollar industry thrives through the sale of motivational commodities and services? Because, in our world of instant gratification, people desperately want to believe that there are simple solutions to complex problems. And when desperation has disposable income, market opportunities abound.

AT DESPAIR, INC., we believe motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them. That’s why we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators® designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!

E.L. Kersten, Ph.D.
Founder and COO

Here are just a few of my favorites:


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Friday, February 24, 2006

It's Fast, Exclusive, Expensive and Now Totaled

Update: Richard Losee Destroys his Ferrari Enzo for Charity Click Here

Quote of the day:

"For a million dollars, you get a very good passenger-safety system, and apparently in this case it did work," Sgt. Phillip Brooks of the Los Angeles County Sheriff Department.

On Tuesday, someone crashed a $1 million Ferrari Enzo into a utility pole, at a
speed of over 110 mph, cutting it in half on the Pacific Coast Highway in
Malibu, California. View Images:
"It took out the pole, and part of the car went another 600 feet," Sheriff'sSgt. Philip Brooks said. "There were 1,200 feet of debris out there."
The driver jumped out of the wreckage and ran into the canyon above, evading a three-hour search by a Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department helicopter and a mountain search-and-rescue team.

The Ferrari Enzo is the fastest production car ever made. It has a 6.0-liter V-12 that boasts almost 700 horsepower. The Enzo was so exclusive with only 399 produced; you had to have purchased several new Ferrari’s previously to be considered for the opportunity to purchase it. Richard Losee, a Utah county resident, owns an Enzo and I have seen him tooling around Sundance in it. Losee has even driven it to California to compete.

UPDATE: 03/03/06 The Plot Thickens in Ferrari Crash
LA COUNTY Sheriff's Sgt. Phil Brooks said Monday, the car was traveling 162 mph when it crashed, far faster than the 120 mph originally believed.

So what do you say after you just crashed your very rare exotic car? I know what I said when I put a scratch in my $20k car. If you like to look at others pain here is a good site…

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Today's Intersting Places to Surf

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?” There is now a tool to help you find out. Lick-o-Meter.

Make cookies with that pre-tasted look… Cookie Cutters

So where is the Muslim outrage? School bans pigs stories

Don’t Panic about Domestic Spying but instead Internet Spying . This is the information that is available to any website you visit.

The Economics Of Prostitution: Is a wife or a prostitute more costly?

Well if the wife isn’t costing you too much what about splurging for the $1000 Ice Cream Sundae? I saw this on TV and had to Google it…

I believe Will Ferrell will be the next person to have a bounty on his head… Can you Say NASCAR NATION FATWA?

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Bryant Gumble: Winter Olympic Hater!

I have always suspected that Bryant Gumble was an idiot but recently he confirmed my suspicions by opening his mouth and removing all doubt. Gumble has a show on HBO called “Real Sports with Bryant Gumble”. I have seen it a time or two and some friends of mine seem to enjoy it. Gumble recently flashed the wonder of his stupidity by taking a jab at the alleged racial bias in Winter Olympic sports and it seemed he has ruffled some feathers of my Scandinavian American friends with a nice plug for the poor black man.

Here is his quote:

Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t care about them and won’t watch them. In fact, I figure that when Thomas Paine said that “these are the times that try men’s souls,” he must’ve been talking about the start of another Winter Olympics. Because they’re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the winter games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won. And try to blot out all logic when announcers and sportswriters pretend to care about the luge, the skeleton, the biathlon and all those other events they don’t understand and totally ignore for all but three weeks every four years. Face it — these Olympics are little more than a marketing plan to fill space and sell time during the dreary days of February. So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness — for God’s sake, let the games begin. (Source)

While I believe that Bry Bry has his first amendment right to blather on out his oversized pie hole and say what ever floats his boat but doesn’t this seem to be what civil rights activists are fighting against? I remember not long ago Rush Limbaugh was removed from his commentary position at ESPN for a similar remark. It just seems a little one sided. So let me get this straight: it is activism by speaking ones mind on race if it is against whites but if its whites speaking out against other races its hatred and racism? I guess I just don’t get it. In all honesty, I am not offended one bit by Gumble’s silly comment, but it sure made me feel anger for any black person who is a Republican.

More blogs about this:
HBO's Gumbel: Lack of Blacks Makes Olympics 'Look Like a GOP Convention' or
Bryant Gumbel: Liberal Activist Masquerading as Impartial Journalist or just heated debate/ranting for entertainment purposes only at HBO

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White Trash T-Shirts

I recently found an ad for this shirt and it made me laugh...

Another One that Made me laugh

It reads I am just into it for the parking.

And t-shirt for baby

Shirt reads Now that I am safe I'm pro choice.

More white trash shirts here Warning: Profanity on many of the shirts

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Police Humor..

One liners supposedly used by the men and women in law enforcement... All Suspects are presumed innocent until proven guilty in a court of law

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that's the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh...did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"Then answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No Sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ... Your right, we don't...Sign Here."

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Friday, February 10, 2006

A swift kick to the LoveSac Baby!!!

LoveSac declares bankruptcy…and sticks it to its creditors hitting them squarely in the proverbial nutSac®. It is always sad to see a company declare bankruptcy but what happened here. Shawn Nelson seemed to have it all together. When we last heard from Nelson, he had just won Sir Richard Branson’s "The Rebel Billionaire" and was said to have pocketed a cool $1,000,000 bucks and a sweet job with Virgin. Nelson was the Utah boy done good but then he seemed to disappear; then a few days ago it was announced that LoveSac was going Chapter 11.

It appears that Nelson and LoveSac left a wake of people in the lurch for their cashola. LoveSac has $500,000 in assets and $3.2 million in debt. Wayne Schmirler, president of Sino China Trading Limited, is one of LoveSac's unsecured creditors, said his company will end up losing more than $1.2 million from LoveSac's bankruptcy filing. Schmirler says that this may cause his firm to go bankrupt. Another Utah company Ensign Group International is owed $126,000. Ensign officials admit that the LoveSac filing will hurt but not destroy their business.

In October Nelson claimed that LoveSac would have sales in excess of $30 million. LoveSac operates 74 stores, including six locations in Utah, and has roughly 700 employees. So what happened? Did they lose funding? Expand too fast? Or were the prices just too high? It would be interesting to see inside to see what caused such a melt down of an up and coming brand.
So I guess Branson knew that the Sac had some issues or else we would see it as Virgin LoveSac.

Links:, Rebel Blog (it reads as though Shawn was cautioned by his bankruptcy lawyer).. Hey Nelson I thought you were married? Your blog looks like you have become a roadie for Motley Crue… Could it be you overspent for your Lake Powell Trip?

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Thursday, February 09, 2006

Muslim Cartoons: Its Always Funnier in Egyptian Newspapers

On some levels I can understand the outrage in the Muslim world for political cartoons that seem offensive. Being a Mormon we often see cartoons or editiorials mocking our religion. I understand the feelings but I also understand that people have freedoms to express their opinions without interference even if I do not agree with their point of view.

It seems strange that the whole Muslim world is outraged by political cartoons published in a foreign country's newspaper but here is a blog with evidence that the cartoons were published in an Egyptian paper 5 months earlier. Link

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“Gay” Penguins and the Penguin Sexual Revolution

People are sometimes just well strange… Case in point. I was reading this morning about a flap at the Bremerhaven's Zoo in Bremerhaven, Germany. The story is that the zoo has six endangered Humboldt penguins. After a few years of not mating and not producing any offspring, in order to help the penguins get of the endangered list, the zoo does some testing and discovers that 3 of the penguins are really male instead of female as was "believed". I guess determining the sex of a penguin is a little more difficult than just taking a peek. I bet being the vet tech for the penguins is a sucky job. Just imagine: the vet tech says, “Um boss I can’t tell if these damn things are male or female.” “Damn it look again,”screams the vet. Anyway… I digress. So the zoo decides to fly in some hot and sexy Swedish female penguins (I am not joking). These new temptations haven’t worked and the male penguins still are not interested in "female" penguins. Meanwhile the gay and lesbian community has begun to protest gay penguin rights. "All sorts of gay and lesbian associations have been emailing and calling in to protest," a spokesman for Bremerhaven's Zoo on the Sea in northwestern Germany said. The protests have become so bad that the zoo released a statement saying, “The penguins can remain gay”.

So does this mean that soon there will be a call by penguins, of course, for laws recognizing Gay Penguin Marriage? Do they get healthcare for their “life partner”? It just seems a silly thing to protest about when after all, the zoo is only trying to keep the poor penguin from extinction…

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Capitalism Alive and Well

Even the outraged Muslim's know how to make a buck in times like these... Gaza shopkeeper stocks up on Danish flags to burn!!! "When entrepreneur Ahmed Abu Dayya first heard that Danish caricatures of the Prophet Mohammad were being reprinted across Europe, he knew exactly what his customers in Gaza would want: flags to burn."

And just to be fair there are sites supporting Denmark... The Dissident Frogman

Denmark Free Speech

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I Can't Get No Satisfaction

This letter made me laugh... There has been a hunting battle brewing in the Deseret News This is a letter from a few days ago that helps put it all into perspective.

Satisfaction in hunting?

I'm going to have to agree with Wendy Mair (Readers' Forum, Feb. 2). Hunting is indeed extremely honorable and satisfying. Not many hobbies or recreations serve the honor or gratification I feel when I blow a small animal away with my shotgun.

Illegal poaching is indeed reprehensible and abhorrent, but we enlightened hunters are continually researching and developing more improved, humane ways to blast a hole in an animal.

Hunting is also a great way to bond with your children. Nothing says "I love you, son" like sharing the heartfelt moment of discharging a slug into a doe. I also hope that this legislation passes. Our young children need to escape the distraction of simulated violence and gore in today's video games and movies and experience them in real life.

Andrew Meyer

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Questar sings "Just Can't Get Enough..."

Questar Gas has offered to cut its rates $10.2 million in exchange for the state of Utah to allow Questar to adopt a new method for collecting its overhead and labor costs Currently Questar is forced to link its overhead and labor costs to the amount of gas used by its customers. Questar wants to radically change this policy and remove the fixed costs from the amount of gas used to a variable rate based upon its operating costs. Why is this a lame idea for the consumer? It takes all the business risks inherent in a business and places them squarely on the consumer. Example: Questar has to pay more for labor and will pass the buck directly to the consumer instead of going through the Utah Committee of Consumer Services for rate hikes. So what happens is during the slow seasons when gas usage shrinks Questar wants to pass the buck to consumers by charging them more for their products via the increase in the “variable” rate. So Questar thinks they can just cut prices by $10.2 million dollars and get the state board to give them the keys to the hen house. In the recent past Questar has ousted outspoken members of UCCS who have called for accountability for Questar’s rate increases. Hmmm Ross Perot: “If the fox is in the hen house the farmers a sleep.” Latest blasphemy from Questar

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Monday, February 06, 2006

Here’s a Quarter Utah Call Someone Who Can Design…

Seven years ago the United States Mint started to redesign our money. Quarters began to have individual state designs on them. The first ones were very cool and designed to represent the state. I think most of them are quite good.

Recently Utah released their final designs. Wow… Who chose these designs? Mrs. Adams 4th grade at Provo Elementary class? It looks as though there were few entries to choose from so they chose the only three entries.

The Beehive…
This has turned into another Mormons vs. Non-Mormons battle. Oh brother… Beehives have about as much to do about the LDS religion as L. Ron Hubbard does (absolutely nothing). Brigham Young thought that it represented industry and working together for the greater good so he used it as a state symbol. Non-Members seem to think it to be the ultimate symbol of Mormonism. To non-Mormons it might have well been a swastika on the quarter. My complaint is they could not have made the beehive more boring in appearance.
Gag Me

Golden Spike…
It is true that the transcontinental railroad met in Utah in 1869 unfortunately the design says 1896 the day Utah became a state. Promontory Point is just a desert wasteland now and really isn’t as important to Utah’s identity as other designs. It just seems kind of silly.

Bad Date

The Snowboarder…
Yeah this does nothing for me either. It looks like a drawing out of a 1970’s LDS New Era magazine.

Lame Design

Fragile Arch
This one showing the natural wonders that is Utah. I feel that this one represents the state the best but of course Governor Huntsman put the kibosh on it. It is only good enough for most advertising about Utah.

Should Have Used This

The Governor and Utah Travel Council should pull their collective heads out of their behinds and chose something marketable. These three designs suck… Learn More about these crappy designs here.

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Friday, February 03, 2006

Lyrics for Edge of Seventeen

For some reason I am getting a lot of traffic from people searching for the lyrics to Edge of Seventeen by Lindsey Lohan. I thought I would create a shameless ad page containing the lyrics. I am just trying to cover my hosting. Just for the record however the song was written and performed originally by Stevie Nicks and was featured on her 1981 album Bella Donna. Link to Lyrics

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Cindy Sheehan: Nut Job or Brilliant Mind

Much ado has been made about Cindy Sheehan. I personally have viewed her as the village idiot gets a national talk show. She does everything in her power to be on the nightly news. She is more of a publicity hound than Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears and Michael Jackson combined however lately I have started to wonder if I have judged her too harshly. Maybe Cindy Sheehan isn’t a dumb as she sounds.

Sheehan mission hasn’t been to stop the war, humiliate the president and/or make herself look like a complete idiot. She has worked tirelessly for something even more exciting. She has secretly been using these protests for free travel. Cindy has brilliantly taken the death of her son and used it for 15 minutes of fame and free travel. Sheehan spends the month of August 2005 vacationing in Crawford, TX. September she spends touring the country in her “bus” on the Bring them home tour seeing more of Texas, Louisiana, Minnesota, Indiana, Alabama, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan, Georgia, South Carolina, New York and Washington DC. Not too bad of a vacation paid for by some idiot that isn’t realizing she is using this for a nice vacation. Later in September she get a trip to Arizona paid for by someone else to see Senator John McCain (R Arizona). Sheehan ends up calling him a “warmonger”. Sheehan visits Chicago on the tab of the Communist Party USA. If no one will listen maybe the Commie’s will? In December she got an all expense paid trip to Great Britain and Ireland. Recently Sheehan visited Venezuela's President Hugo “Nut Job” Chavez in Caracas, Venezuela. Wow why not just call Osama and ask to attend an Al Qaeda pep rally op? And then recently Cindy Sheehan got to attend the President’s State of the Union address; an event that most Americans will never ever get invited to attend.

Cindy Sheehan really isn't the nut job she appears to be but is secretly working to see the world for free… The clock reads 14 minutes 57 seconds... tick tick tick.

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Thursday, February 02, 2006

One of the Worlds Dumbest Criminals…

Orem Man Reports Marijuana Stolen Link

worlds dumbest drug dealer

Kory C. Tippetts an 18 year old Orem resident calls police to inform them his house had been burglarized. The only item reported stolen was a quarter pound of pot. Police arrest burglar and Tippets for possession with intent to distribute.

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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Dr. Marilyn T. Welles and the Flamingly Incompetent Controversy

Well our old Sundance friend must be in the news again or is at least back to stalking me. My logs are filled with hits from her ISP and hits from Google Searches on her name. I have missed my good friend Dr. Flamingly Incompetent aka Dr. Marilyn T. Welles. You can Read About Dr. Flamingly Incompetent and her tricks here. . Or read her letters to me here. Or even get your certified flamingly incompetent t-shirts or just View the Flamingly Incompetent T-shirt Logos. I have received over 100 hits this month related to Marilyn Welles…either by her ISP in Canada or by searches for Marilyn Welles. I seem to rank very high for Marilyn Welles in Google… in fact #1 and #1 for flamingly incompetent.

If you want to learn more on how I got these high rankings for these search terms see Google Bombing Marilyn Welles.

Dear Marilyn Welles,
Your letters to Eric Sather and to others at Sundance eventually got me fired. Ok NOT I am totally joking. I decided to pursue a new job with more potential for me and my family. If you would like to stalk me there that would be fun. Did I tell you I work in Emergency services? I do… I work closely with many police agencies. (You know those who uphold stalking laws) I haven’t reported you as a stalker yet because it is still a fun novelty for me and my associates. Hey why don’t you click some of my Google ads while you are here so I can pay next years hosting bill. I mean you are sucking off enough bandwidth that you should at least be useful. Ads are on the right side…

Miss You

PS Did you get your flamingly incompetent shirt? If not send me your address and I will forward it on. In the mean time keep your faith in God. Oops I forgot you are an atheist. Dr. Welles keep fighting all the religious people in America and Canada…as it makes me laugh... and maybe we can get IN GOD WE Trust Removed from our money or maybe the Utah Highway Patrol Memorial Crosses removed.

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