In Honor of Rivalry Week

How do you get a BYU coed into your car?
Show her a diamond ring.
How do you get her out again?
Tell her that you're a non-member.

What do you call an intelligent coed in Cougar Stadium?
A visitor.

What's the difference between a BYU coed and a rooster?
Roosters say "cock-a-doodle-doo" but BYU coeds say, "any dude'll do."

Why didn't the BYU coed use her water skis?
She couldn't find a lake on a hill.

Why do BYU coeds wear stripes?
So you can tell if they're standing up or lying down.

Why do BYU coeds have such a terrible time in the morning?
They're so fat they rock themselves to sleep trying to get up.

What is the difference between a BYU coed and a toilet?
The toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it.

What do a BYU co-ed and a quarter in the toilet have in common?
Everyone Sees them, but no one wants to take them out.

What do you call a BYU Coed Hand gliding?
Solar eclipse.

What do you call a 300-pound BYU coed?
Anorexic.

How do you get a BYU coed into an VW Bug?
Grease her thighs and put a Twinkie on the dashboard.

What's the difference between a police car and a BYU coed?
It takes two police cars to block the road.

What do a moped and a BYU coed have in common?
They're both okay while the ride lasts, but you don't want anyone to see you on them.

Did you hear about the driver who had to swerve to miss the BYU coed walking in the road?
He ran out of gas.

Did you hear about the new BYU Coed Doll?
You put a ring on her finger and she inflates.

What is the difference between a BYU Coed and Sasquatch?
One of them weights 300 lbs has matted hair and stinks and the other has big feet.

What is the difference between a BYU Coed and garbage?
The garbage gets taken out at least once a week.

What's the difference between a BYU Coed and an elephant?
About 10 pounds.

What's the difference between a BYU Coed and a whale?
Whales can swim.

Why is BYU considering fitting Cougar stadium with artificial turf instead of grass?
So the cheerleaders will stop grazing...

How does a BYU Coed take a bath?
Fills the tub, then puts in some water.

How do you get a BYU Coed into a phone booth?
Grease her hips and throw in a wedding ring.

Did you hear about the truckload of pigs that got loose on the BYU campus?
They had to check I.D.s to reload the truck.

What is the thinnest part of a BYU coed?
The hair on her palms.

What's 36-24-32?
A BYU coed's leg.

How many BYU coeds does it take to play hide-n-seek?
It takes at least three BYU coeds to play hid-n-seek. One goes to hide and the other two try to figure out who left.

How do you tell a if a BYU Coed is smart?
Her lips don't move when she reads to herself.

Did you hear about the lucky BYU Coed who had a date every Friday night last semester?
She kept them in her refrigerator so they'd stay fresh all semester long.

Why did BYU Police raid a candle passing in the girl's dorm?
They thought they were breaking up a dope ring.

A BYU Coed asked a store clerk, "Can I put this wallpaper on myself?"
"Yes, but it will look better on the wall," he said.

What has an I.Q. of 144?
Twelve BYU Coeds.

What's the difference between a BYU coed and a palm tree?
A palm tree has dates.

What's worse than being a BYU coed?
Being behind one in a cafeteria line.

What is the difference between a BYU Coed heading to the cafeteria and a speeding bullet?
Superman can stop a speeding bullet.

A BYU coed and a U of U coed are on top of the Marriot Center. Which one comes down first?
The Marriot Center

How do you get a U. of U. grad off your front porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

What do you get when you crossbreed BYU football and a groundhog?
Six more weeks of bad football!

How do you tell the difference between a BYU coed and a U. of U. coed?
The BYU coed is looking for a husband. The U. coed is looking for the father.

What is a BYU coed's favorite after-game wine?
When are we going to get married?

What is the difference between the BYU football team and a bowl of Cheerios?
The Cheerios belong in a bowl!

How is a Ute like a possum?
Both play dead at home and usually die on the road.