Making a Mockery

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

IT professionals are all crotchety. No kidding?

10 Possible Reasons for their Anger.
Downloading Unauthorized Programs and then when asked if you did it you say "No" I will find out the truth very quickly. Telling the truth is the best policy. IT people monitor everything, record everything and control internet, email, your computer and phone. We are the most powerful people in the company. Don't Screw Around with lying to me. Bow you humble peon!!!

Angry Emails and Voicemails informing me that you stupid computer doesn't work but no details or symptoms are given. Well I broke my crystal ball and my taro cards are missing and my mind reading skills aren't that good just ask my wife.

I stop by to fix your computer at the time you scheduled me to but you inform me to come back later because you are too busy to be bothered. Violations like this usually mean you were just sent to the bottom of the wait list.

Your computer is covered in books, paper, post it notes, garbage and half eaten food but you call and tell me to come fix it. My job title isn't cleaner, mover or garbage man. Don't call me when you can't find the sticky note with your boss's credit card number and social security number. I don't have it.

Loud and annoying Complaints of how sloooooow a computer you have but yet you are streaming video of the Nick Lechay and listening to a streaming radio station and running a weather applet all while trying to access a server based app. Blame accountants for your computer woes. No money = No upgrades.

Not understanding basic navigation in windows such as click the start bar but not bothering to move so I can to fix your problem. If you don't know how to use the computer don't. If you need help to figure out how to print landscape call and ask but only during 8-5 M-F and not on my personal cell phone.

Calling me at 3 A.M. trying to find out where your favorites are in internet explorer went after you have deleted them is not acceptable. I love these calls Or not calling when a mission critical component like the Point of Sale System goes down and no one bothers to call. Mission critical = call me anytime. If it doesn't involve taking money from guests its not mission critical and don't call me at home especially while I am asleep. *Whoever the bastard was that published my personal cell phone number in the company directory will pay. when I figure who it was.

Endless Begging for a new computer or flat panel monitor especially while I am eating Lunch or clocked out is not the method used to get such equipment. I am open to bribes. Food and or money are accepted methods of prepayment.

Bringing to my office or crying to get me to take to my office or even asking me to work on your home computer that is full of viruses, spyware and/or porn is not enjoyable and is comparable to a colonoscopy. My personal computer rate is $500 an hour. Why so much? Because I don't want to work on your computer but if you are willing to pay an outrageous amount I can be persuaded. Mostly this obscene hourly rate is just to get you to take it to CompUSA. I don't work for free, do you?

Passwords: While I do remember quite a few passwords most likely I won't remember yours. Please just remember it after all I let you choose it. Don't write them down and stick on you monitor or desk or keyboard. Or I might log in as you and send a nasty email to your boss or worse, hoping to get you fired. Don't send me a request to change your password and then get angry when you forget your new password 10 seconds after I change it. Do not use any of the following: company name, your name, password, or admin, or bogus #'s like 11111 as a password and expect to keep your data secure. Its just a thought but Keeping your computer secure allows you to keep your job.

Emails: Emails sent on company computers are company property and no privacy is guaranteed. Yes I can read your emails and despite what ever paranoia, or other mental disorders you may have I don't have time to read them. I don't burn them to cd to take home for pleasure reading either. No I won't help you read your coworkers/Boss's email.

When in doubt RTFM (Read the Fine Manual) or even use the internet to solve your problems. I am more than happy to help you but calling me at the first sign of distress is rarely the answer to learning how to print in landscape, opening attachments or sending emails to multiple recipents. Google is a powerful tool and is available at 3 AM when I am studying the art of relaxation.

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