Making a Mockery

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Girrrrl Power!!!!

This is a description from an EBay auction a friend of mine sent to me. Thanks Gordon

DKNY Men's Leather Pants I Unfortunately OwnStylish. Expensive. Very much a bad purchase for me.

You are bidding on a mistake.

We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants.

I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I'm stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.

The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can't even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short.

Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that: Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In public or private.

I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:
I am not a member of Queen.
I do not like motorcycles.
I am not Rod Stewart.
I am not French.
I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.

These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They're for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I'll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it.

Again, they're men's pants, but they'd probably look great on the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than men can. It's a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to come to terms with.

They are size 34x34. I am no longer size 34x34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.

These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren't worn onstage. They didn't straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.

Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I'm hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl you're trying to bed.

Please buy these leather pants.

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Where are we going
Over the past eight years I have become an Internet junkie. I often wonder what I did with my time before the Internet. I guess I am an avid reader but more of facts, history and current events. Reading books was never a passion for me but reading the newspaper and magazines fascinated me from an early age. The Internet has become more of reading what's happening in real time. I love it. I have listed in categories some of the sites that get my attention. I visit these sites daily, weekly or monthly. I have added their own website marketing tag lines to help them ever so little with search engine marketing. Anyway hope you enjoy it.

Paul Allen: Internet Entrepreneur (a.k.a. Paul Allen the Lesser, managing partner of Infobase Ventures)
I read this blog quite often learning more and more about running a business.

Connect Magazine Connect is a premiere Utah business magazine covering business, technology, entrepreneurship, and venture capital. Another site that helps me learn about business

Fast Company Management, Leadership and Career Advice for Business Executives

NewPR Wiki Edit This: How personal publishing is changing the PR practice - A PR wiki This site is mostly about business leaders who blog. I find a lot of interest reading through this site.

Google GlobeTrotting: Most Popular Maps. Google maps are one of the greatest Internet ideas of the last few years. This site is dedicated to interesting places to go. IE: Celebrity homes, or interesting images.

Montage-a-google Montage using Google's Image Search. This site is just fun to play with. All you do is an image search and it will produce a collage. Put in Eran Bair and it will produce a collage of my snowmobiling trip from a few years ago.

The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster Journal of Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith and Servant to His Supreme Excellency the Emperor Palpatine. This site isn't one I regularly visit but it amuses me none the less.

Blogs near mine Find other disgruntles near you.

Tongue Tied Carping about the excesses of clueless crybabies since the turn of the century. This is kind of a news of the weird type site.

Find a Grave: is a resource for finding the final resting places of famous folks, friends and family members. With millions of names, it's an invaluable tool for genealogist and family history buffs. Find A Grave memorials are rich with content, including dates, photos, bios. You can even leave 'virtual flowers' on the memorials you visit. Find A Grave also contains listings for thousands of celebrity graves, making it the premier online destination for tombstone tourists. The site is very cool and I am often found reading the obits and looking at gravesite photos of famous people.

War in Iraq:
Michael Yon A soldiers Blog This site is an up-close and personal account of the war in Iraq.

My Roots:
Sacramento California Temple under construction by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. When I was a young punk Spencer W. Kimball came to this location circa 1976 and prophesized that a temple would be build on these grounds. The area is known as the Mormon Center and has been the site of many of my childhood memories from bashing my forehead as a toddler to my brother filling the swimming pool with white vomit all while my mom tries to get my brother out of the pool and even high school dances and pranks.

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