Making a Mockery

Friday, December 23, 2005

Greatly Improved?

So BYU didn't lose by as much as I had predicted. I still think CAL handed BYU its head on a platter despite big numbers put up by John Beck. As I was perusing the local papers I seem to be rereading the same description of BYU football. The phrase is "greatly improved BYU Football team". I just don't see it. Going from 5-6 to 6-6 just isn't a great improvement especially looking at the weak teams BYU played. The one stat I see that greatly improved was points. BYU average points per game was up over 10 per game and BYU did have a running game. How odd is that a BYU running game? I thought in the past BYU had running plays to rest receivers. However the good is far outweighed by the bad. BYU's opponents average points per game also went up. Almost all defensive stats are worse than last year. I often thought that the defense was Homophobic in the way they wouldn't tackle. Ewe gross touching other male football players!!! One newspaper described BYU's defense as "cardboard cutouts". I think BYU could take the Las Vegas bowls game film and teach its defense how to tackle with it. CAL gave BYU a seminar on tackling.

I think mostly Bronco Mendenhall's mind-numbing repetitive media quotes of "we are greatly improved" and "I am so thankful for the opportunities we have" have preconditioned the local media into thinking BYU has greatly improved.

Since wasting $50 million on a practice facility BYU has gone 15-20. That's only $3,333,333 per win. What a great investment?

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Thursday, December 22, 2005

Viva Las Vegas...

I believe the BYU deserves to go to a bowl game about as much as Saddam Hussein deserves leniency. BYU went 6-5 this year and that was against some pathetic teams. You can recap BYU's "success" from my 11-7-2005 post.

Some how going 6-5 including beating a nobody Division IIA school is considered a successful season. BYU's 1-A wins came against teams with a combined record of 22-28, and their losses came against teams with a combined record of 32-18. (These numbers do not count BYU's games against those opponents.) If BYU hadn't played Eastern Illinois they would be at home watching bowl games on TV. While I will give BYU credit for a turn around season compared to the Gary Crowton Gloom and Doom years, I just don't believe that they have improved that much.

Every local media outlet focuses on BYU's turn around season and how great they are but I just don't see it. Tonight BYU I think will be humbled by another loss. I think the real travesty of justice is the fact that bowl games have become more about money than about finding the best teams. The Las Vegas Bowl was on the brink of becoming a non-sanctioned bowl due to lack of attendance (read as a footnote in college football history). BYU was seen as the "savior" due to its broad fan base. BYU delivered its fans and saved the Las Vegas Bowl. Some how getting the #2 pick of the Mountain West Conference and the #4 pick of the Pac 10 is supposed to get me the fan all hot and bothered. I think its more like watching the Houston Texans battle the San Francisco 49ers for the Heisman winning Reggie Bush in next years draft. Watching teams ranked 34th and 49th play just doesn't excite me.

I think its pathetic to see all the money that is poured into this trip for BYU. The money the bowl games gives both schools is insane. Some how I think it is a waste to give these "student" athletes a free week vacation but yet BYU continues to rip students off in the bookstore, parking, and student housing (see more below). Why not make the bowl games donate scholarships to the schools. The average Joe Student gets nothing from the bowl games. It's all just big business. And really I am fine with College being a business except when the "business" is owned by my church. I am 99.999% sure God could careless if BYU has a football team. BYU continues to support LDS values on one hand and then violates them on the other. I am pretty sure "no man can serve two masters".

I believe Cal will beat BYU by 20+ and BYU will be faced to recognize what a crappy season they had, and that the Las Vegas Bowl used them like a two-bit whore.

More on how BYU sticks it to its students.
BYU Bookstore:
The bookstore has implemented rules to limit students' ability to purchase textbooks via alternative sources by not releasing required class books until the first day of class. This means no buying used, no buying online and no buying anywhere but BYU Bookstore.

BYU continues to remove parking from campus. It also has shrunk its Free UTA service. It also has raised parking pass prices to the stratosphere but they haven't reduced the number sold.

Student Housing
In one of the most student-unfriendly moves of all time BYU has allowed/sponsored city ordinances that make it so that BYU students who are forced into BYU approved housing now have to live with in two miles of BYU (map). This might not sound like a big deal except for the fact that in the last 6 years significant housing has been built in Provo lowering the price of housing. Now with this new rule housing will become tight again inflating prices. For example in the mid 90's a 3-bedroom Provo apartment was $1200 a month since students rent beds (two per room at $200) instead of apartments. In the last few years the same 3-bedroom apartment has been available for $800 due to increased supply. Large complex owners have successfully lobbied BYU and Provo to lower demand to boost profits. Can you say Money Changers at the Temple?

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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Chrysler Parking Only or You Will Be Towed!

"Workers at a DaimlerChrysler plant in Kokomo, Indiana, should drive a Chrysler model or they may find their car in Indianapolis, 50 miles away. That's because a rule limits parking space for non-Chrysler cars. Violators will be towed." Can a company do that? Workplace horrors compiled.

Ebay:You are bidding on a picture of some guy's girlfriend. Current bid only $31 and "SERIOUS BIDDERS ONLY, PLEASE!"

In a bizarre attempt to "Make a Mockery" Saddam says he's been beaten and tortured. The irony here is off the charts. I think Saddam may have read Johnny Cochran's book "How to beat the rap even when you are guilty" too closely.

Here comes a new warning on those damn commercials: Study: Impotence Can Warn of Heart Disease. Or maybe these men just weren't in good enough shape to do this type of activity? Pharmaceutical companies are to blame for increase in heart disease. On the other hand this just might lead to a new and interesting way to test for Male Heart Disease. Use your own imagination for the test.

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Monday, December 19, 2005

There's something I need to tell you.

Last week I saw a news report on a site that you can email your past indiscretions about your Sexually Transmitted Disease. I had to check this out, as it just may well be a fun and useful site After a few minutes on the site, I have decided that this just might be the website of the year for 2005. The message you can send goes something like this.

There's something I need to tell you.
I found out that I have an STD. You should get checked if you haven't recently.

Your Message Goes Here

I guess when care to send the very best, a STD, sending an email is the best means to inform everyone that they may have an unexpected present. I guess it cuts down on the swearing, impersonal phone calls or even that awkward face-to-face meeting that come with such a revelation. But wait it gets better you can even send it anonymously. My favorite card for the anonymous notification is: "Who? What? When? Where? It doesn't matter. I got an STD; you might have it too."

I have decided that instead of spending money on Christmas, I mean Holiday cards I will send all my friends and family one of these. In fact it is such a good idea I am sending an anonymous one to all the girls I have met, dated or even just drooled over especially if they have a email address. I can't wait to see what happens with these Holiday Gift emails. This could very well be the tool of the season.

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